I have pursued genealogy for my own family for the past 30 years, along with my husband’s line. Then I added my daughter-in-law, my 2nd cousin, two of my best friends and their families, my grandson’s maternal line, my brother-in-law, and a few others. I love the pursuit of the family line, wading through census records, land records, newspaper articles, military records, and many others. When I find something for a family tree, I get so excited, even though it’s not my own family line. It’s just so much fun to help others in their journey.
But I had a comment made when I was working on my brother-in-law’s line, a close relative of his. “Why does she want to know this stuff, it’s not even her family.” I have to say at first I was hurt, then I was angry. For years my sister-in-law, my husband and I had pursued records anytime we visited her in North Carolina. My husband and her line were in 3 counties for 7 generations at least, so we pursued many records in several courthouses and cemeteries. We were always so excited talking about our finds. Then one day I thought, maybe my brother-in-law would like me to search his line. His family has been in North Carolina for many generations also. When I started finding records for him, he was just as excited and interested as we had been.
So I thought about the comment made by one of his relatives. They obviously didn’t understand the importance and excitement of finding your ancestor’s records, even if it “wasn’t my family.” My brother-in-law always asked questions, wanted to see what I had found, told me stories about his family, and was genuinely interested in his family line. The relative didn’t understand and certainly didn’t know that my brother-in-law wanted to know.
This leads to another story of finding records and connecting to family. A young woman, BN, contacted me through Ancestry messaging. She was working on trying to find her grandmother’s K father. The grandmother knew his name, RF, and that he was from North Carolina, but that was about it. BN wondered if I knew this man or his family line.
The name RF rang a bell but the tree is large, and I had to be sure. I searched through the tree and sure enough there was RF. His son, MF, is my husband’s 2nd cousin 1x removed who incidentally we met in 2015 through Ancestry, too. I did not want to give the young woman any information until I checked with MF as I wasn’t sure if he knew that his father had another family.
While I am messaging with BN, I text MF and am having a 3-way conversation with them. MF is so excited. He had heard that his father had a previous marriage and perhaps a child, but didn’t know any more than that. MF had been an only child for 65 years and was happy to find out that he might have a sister. MF shared that his father discharged from Army in 1953, in California, and went to Washington state for a couple of years. He then ended up back in North Carolina.
BN, the young woman, shared that her grandmother’s mother married RF in 1954 and had a daughter, K, (who is her grandmother) and also a little boy who died at one month of age. BN said her grandmother was alive, active and excited to learn about her father’s family line.
MF agreed to share his phone number, so he could text with BN and connect with his sister. He was very emotional about finding out that he had a sister, who was 2 years older than him. In the next few days, he had conversations with his great niece, BN, and with his sister, K, (who looks like him, including the family nose!). He loves to drive across the United States and a trip is in the works to the west coast to meet his sister. They are all excited and anticipating the visit.
I was so happy for him and his sister. What would have happened if I didn’t want to get involved, because “it isn’t my family”? MF says I am the best cousin-in-law and is so appreciative of my help and connections. I receive so much joy from helping others connect to their family lines. Learning about our families gives us a sense of history, a sense of belonging. How can I turn my back on someone wanting that help???
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